and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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