if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
