What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm at about main and main street
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
