this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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