Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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