dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Come see our sink grown plant.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
