Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
time to smoke my breakfast
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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