He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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