fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
