He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
