He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
