My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
