i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
