matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He kissed a someone with a penis
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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