i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
