What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
