WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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