Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
As shirtless as possible
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
