he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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