No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How does it feel to date your dad?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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