Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize