I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
