Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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