Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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