the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
