Porn is love you can see.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize