i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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