Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
