we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
