I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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