the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
