My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
