Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
