.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize