I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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