Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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