The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
