I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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