That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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