yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
