Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
