I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
