Sry I called you an 8
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
