How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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