East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
