But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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