just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize