What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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