what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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