I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
