i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
