Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
