I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
