he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we're so committed to being not committed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
