I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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