Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
