no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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