He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
