just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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