I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
