dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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