1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
