this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
